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BACK ISSUES | APRIL 2010 | CURRENT ISSUE
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APRIL 2010
ASK DR GRUGNI
DR ANTHONY GRUGNI, MD, answers your questions
with concrete and practical tips to help you tackle
important and troubling issues.
I do not want to hate him |
I am the second child of my parents and the eldest (aged 15). I regularly fight with my father for actually no reason. The fights have become so bad that now I have started hating him. I have my 10th boards this year but all these fights are having a negative impact on me. I am not able to concentrate on anything. I daydream about being independent. I want to get out of my house as soon as possible but at the same time I don't want to hate him. What should I do?
Medha / Jammu
Dear Medha, many teenagers dream of being independent and free. The problem is that they sometimes misuse their freedom out of inexperience and immaturity. You too seem to act with immaturity by engaging in regular 'fights' with your father 'for actually no reason' and 'hating him' and actually not wanting 'to hate him'. All family problems must first be discussed with respect and patience within the family. You did not write anything about your mother. Did you discuss this issue with her? Listen to her advice. |
I don't know what happens to me |
I had a boyfriend. Now we are no more in relationship. But whenever I see him I don't know what happens to me. I sometimes even start crying and remembering the moments we spent together. I cannot concentrate on my studies. Please help me.
Troubled girl (Aged 14) / Mumbai
Dear girl, as your relationship with that boy has come to an end, stop living in the past and concentrate on the present. Emotional ups and downs are common at your age and crying over past memories is useless; stop crying and start enjoying your beautiful teenage! |
I am very emotional |
I am 19 year old boy. I am very emotional and need a true friend in my life. I am unable to find such a friend because I have been betrayed by a good friend whom I liked most and used to share every feeling of my life. But now he doesn't tell me any of his plans such as participating in any event and other things. I am very confused and do not like to talk to anybody, even my parents. I have become very furious and think about the days when we were fast friends.
Rajvendra Gupta / Allahabad
I trust people easily and reveal my secrets to them and as a result I have to face embarrassment. I don't know how to judge people as friends. Shubhangi Sharma (Age 14) / Dehra Dun
It is dangerous to be 'very emotional' and pour out 'every feeling' and every secret to a friend who, it seems, was not the 'good friend' you thought him to be. It could also be that he got fed up and bored by your emotional feelings and way of talking and decided to keep some distance from you. It is wrong to jump to the opposite extreme of not talking 'to anybody', even your parents. This is the time you need help to understand that true friendship is a balanced relationship of giving and taking, respecting each other's feelings and growing patiently in mutual knowledge and acceptance. |
I act as a mediator |
I am the mediator between my friend and her crush. He is also my friend but he isn't her friend or our classmate. He is a senior and therefore she doesn't dare to communicate with him. However he knows the matter through me and is eager to know more about her. Till now he didn't give any reply. Now he is going to have study leave as this is his last year in school. She is quite sure that she is not going to meet him anymore. She says that she can't live without him, but can't withstand the moments when he is around her and will turn away. Her behaviour has totally changed; she gets angry and depressed very easily without reason. She is a good student but now-a-days she says that she is not able to concentrate on her studies. She badly wishes to see him but when she sees him, she just can't face him. I need your advice for continuing this relation. I am between the devil and the sea!
Helpless friend (Age 15) / Delhi
Dear girl, as you rightly mentioned, your friend has a 'crush' on a senior boy and she is behaving in an emotional and immature way - getting angry, depressed and not concentrating on her studies. By acting as a 'mediator' you are encouraging her childish behaviour and making things worse. Stop acting like that and just be her good friend, giving her the example of responsible behaviour. Time will heal the emotional 'crush'. |
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with the subject line ‘Ask Dr. Grugni’
