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BACK ISSUES | SEPTEMBER 2009 | CURRENT ISSUE
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What
do you want
from life?
Dr Pat Palmer & Melissa A. Froehner
It’s easy to drift through life, doing what others do or doing what other people expect you to do — but what are your goals for yourself?
You've been setting goals since you were little. Somewhere around a year, you probably started to climb, and you decided to make it up onto the couch, the chairs, the dining room table. Later, you saw someone do a somersault and figured, “I can do that.” At four or five, you began learning to read by deciding it was worth your while. About that same time, you fell off a bike many times before your persistent effort to reach that goal helped you master the tricky balance, and brought success.
More recently, you might have decided to make the team (was it basketball, track, debate, football?). Maybe your goals have been more personal (winning an art competition, getting your story published, mastering a new computer program, playing the keyboards?).
Whatever the field, whatever your style, you've been setting goals for yourself all your life. And you've achieved some of them too. Maybe you didn't star in tennis, but you made the team. Your computer game scores may not have won the online tournament, but you had a lot of fun competing. And along the way, you've learned a lot about setting goals for yourself.
As you get older, of course, the goals become more important. Now you're deciding about habits which may last a lifetime (music, reading, studying, smoking, drinking, drugs), about the direction of your life (college, military service, jobs, marriage), about your values (political, religious, social, ethical).
What do you stand for?
To take charge of your life you have to get to know what's important to you. How can you make decisions for yourself if you don't know what you stand for? What do you believe in? What are your feelings and opinions about: money, religion, Politics, the death penalty, ecology, natural resources, war and peace, drug use, education, sex.for the day, the week, the month,
the year. Revise them as needed.
Celebrate each achievement.
Be aware of your human needs.
Take care to meet them. Make a list
of the things you need to be happy,
and work to meet your own needs.
What do you need?
We all have lots of needs; food, sleep, a place to live, money. We also need to be loved, to be touched, to have friends, to have approval, to be accepted. By knowing what you need and being willing to take care of your own needs, you won't be dependent on others to meet these needs. You gain independence and self-reliance by counting on and caring for yourself. Caring for and loving yourself means that you're free to choose to love another... you're not desperate to find love, you aren't willing to do anything to win it, and you won't give up your own values to keep it. People who give up being themselves for love become slaves to it. The sad part is that they often lose the love anyway because they’ve given up the unique qualities that make them lovable! You need not be a slave to love if you know how to love yourself. If you are willing to treat yourself well, keep yourself healthy, attractive, and happy, then other people will want to be your friends. If you try to win friends by being helpless, clinging or sick, they will eventually leave you — probably after taking advantage of you. Being dependent and needy may attract some people to you, but it does not create healthy relationships.
If you know where you are going, you are more likely to get there.
Having a plan, either a life plan or a plan of action for your immediate future, will help you feel there is a direction to your life. It’s easy to drift through life, doing what others do or doing what other people expect you to do — but what are your goals for yourself? Write them down. A 1-year plan, a 5-year plan, a 10-year plan, 20, 30, 40 years. Where do you want to be? What do you want to be doing? If it is hard for you to imagine, daydream. Fantasizing and daydreaming help you try out as many kinds of life plans as you wish. Have fun imagining yourself in lots of different kinds of lifestyles. See what feels good, looks like fun and fits your personality, goals and moods.
Getting to know YOU
1. Important things Write down the 5 most important things in your life. Number them in order of their importance to you. Share with a friend how you feel about the things on this list.
2. Looking forward Your list of the 5 most important things in your life may change as you grow older. Imagine what you list might look like in 10 years, 30 years.
3. Looking back Imagine that you are 95 years old. You are peacefully sitting on a porch looking out over a beautiful scene... mountains, rolling hills, grasslands, a lake. Now let your mind go over your life. What are the important things you have done? Have you accomplished what you set out to do? Do you have children and grandchildren? Who are your friends? What fun did you have? Did you have adventures? Loves? Was it a good life? Are you happy with yourself? Did you give something back to the world? Write down some of the things you discover from this “imaging”. How would you like to plan your life so that at 95 you feel satisfied?
