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How do you like YOU?

Be kind to yourself and you can be your own best friend, says Dr Pat Palmer & Melissa A. Froehner


Liking yourself doesn't mean that you think you're perfect or that you like the faults you have. You can accept your faults and still hope to improve.

Start by accepting who you are. Convince yourself that you're great and deserve a good life. When you think of yourself as a special person with gifts and talents, people treat you well. It's true. You DO have special gifts and talents. Everyone has them. But too many people focus on what they don't have instead of the wonderful things they do have.

Listen to yourself. Do you call yourself dumb, fat, clumsy, ugly? If so, it's time to shape up the conversation that goes on inside you. Stop being rude to yourself! Your own put-downs are the worst enemy.

Treat yourself with RESPECT. Believe you are a great person and stand up for yourself. Be kind to yourself and you can be your own best friend. “I've gotta lose ten pounds.” “I want to build more muscle — I look like a wimp!” “I wish my nose wasn't so big!” “If I get one more zit, I'm not going to school!”

Not many people seem to be happy with the bodies they have. After all, every day we see gorgeous models, actors and actresses on TV, in magazines, in movies. They're beautiful — nearly perfect. So, how would any of us ever begin to compete?

You don't have to. Choose to be healthy, to take care of your body, to appreciate the way it works for you. The better you feel about yourself, the more attractive you will look to others. But it's not always easy to ignore those media images, to be satisfied with your uniqueness. Your body is constantly changing. Your clothes might not fit from one day to the next. Your hair may have a mind of its own. Your voice might crack or your skin break out... you often won't be thrilled with how you look. But remember that you have something special to offer, and it's not always going to show on the outside!

“Stop!”

The way you think about yourself shows in your body. Think negative thoughts and your face scowls, your shoulders and mouth droop — you look unhappy. Life is boring, depressing and dull. Nothing good or exciting ever happens to you. Your cup is half-empty instead of half-full.

Your thoughts make up your attitude toward yourself. If they're negative, your life is unhappy. If they're positive, your life is happy. It's that simple.

Pay attention to your thoughts. When you hear a negative thought, deliberately yell (inside your head), “STOP!” Then replace that negative thought with a positive one.

Negative Thought Positive Thought
"I have a huge, ugly nose." "I've got a great smile."
"I'm too dumb to get good grades." "I'm creative — a really good artist.

The enemies within

We all carry around with us a group of our own “enemies” — attitudes and habits that rob us of self-respect. When you've identified them, start to work on getting back the respect they've stolen from you!
1. Being perfect
Do you consider a pimple a terminal illness? Do you hate your voice, face, body, hair, knees? Is there nothing about you that's “right”? Well, then, you have a bad case of “The Perfections”. Realise that you're HUMAN. Sometimes you smell, have bad breath or sweat. Flaws are normal and natural. Learn to love those parts of you that are different and unique. They make you YOU.

2. Judging (The Critic Within)
When you judge yourself, you stop yourself from being magnificent. The voice in your head says things like: “If I tell the teacher I don't understand the question, everyone will think I'm stupid.” (Most likely someone else in the classroom will have the same question and be thankful that you asked it!)

3. Catastrophisizing
“If I ask him for a date, he'll say no, and I'll die.” Thoughts like this stop us from doing what we want. They make us paralyzed with fear. “If I speak up in class my voice will crack and I'll feel like an idiot.” Don't worry! Most people are too busy working on their own 'perfectness' to bother with yours.

4. Expectations
You're shopping for the perfect jeans. You've got them in your mind, but you can't find them. Your day is ruined. Your whole life is pretty close to ruined. Without those jeans you won't ever look good. How often do you do any of these?

  • Expect your friends to know how you feel without telling them.
  • Expect people to act and speak the way you want them to.
  • Want your mother, father, sister, brother to change, become different and “better.”
  • Be annoyed if things don't happen your way.
  • Expect people to believe the same way you do about religion, politics, etc.
    • If people or situations are not exactly as you expect them to be, you're upset, depressed or angry. But YOU are the one who's feeling bad. Give up being judgmental and putting expectations on people and things in your life. Let your expectations go, and you'll find a heavy burden removed.

    5. Blaming
    “If Shweta hadn't called me last night, I would've studied more and passed that test.” You spend your life as a helpless victim when you blame. Some people spend their entire lives playing “poor me”. Even when they can help themselves, they don't. (You could have told Shweta you didn't have time to talk)

    6. Living in the past and the future
    Many of us collect bad things that happened to us and hug them to ourselves. “I forgot my lines in a play three years ago — and I still feel sick when I think about it.” We hold on to old guilt. “I lost my best friend just because I was mad and told her she was ugly.” Forgive yourself, learn the lesson (you learned to respect other people's feelings) and let go of the past. Move on! Anger, resentment and guilt are heavy burdens that make your life one long pain. They are in the past and no longer exist except in your mind. Worrying is living in the future. You can scare yourself to death about what MIGHT happen. Keep track of the things you worry about. You'll find that most of them never happen. If you live in the future (or the past), you miss right now! You'll be happier if you just relax and enjoy life as it happens! “But shouldn't I be planning for college, my career, my future life?” Of course you should. Just don't let your careful planning become needless worrying. Balance is the key.

    Be yourself

    Your most important job in life is to be yourself. Believe it or not, no one expects you to be anyone else. You are already wonderful and magnificent. So why not relax and be you? Inside you is a marvellous person with skills, talents, gifts, warmth, love and caring — yes, and your share of human faults. There may be some things you'd like to change about yourself. Well, the first step toward becoming the person you want to be is to accept the person you are! If you want to become the friendliest person on campus, you must first accept yourself as someone who is not that friendly — yet.

    "Respectfully yours"

    Learning to like yourself isn't complicated. It requires a little effort to change thoughts from negative to positive. Focus on the good things in your life and think about the things you like about yourself. Happiness is in the present — not the future or the past. You can be your own best friend and learn how to love and take good care of yourself. And that's the foundation for being and doing whatever you want with your life.