I can’t focus on my studies

I'm 16 and I can't seem to focus on my studies. My method of studies is good enough because when I study even for an hour I can understand everything. My problem is that I don't open my books at all! I just read the notes some hours before the exams and still manage to get 70%. But I am a 90% student according to my after-10th aptitude test.

My parents, sister, friends and even teachers are worried about me. I think infatuation may be my problem. I know very well that this is not my age to think about guys but I don't know what to do. I mean what can one do to get rid of such feelings? This is the exact reason why I hate being a teenager — you get so confused that you lose your mind and everything.

I think the reason I'm infatuated with a guy is because of my friends. They keep talking about their boyfriends and I feel left out. Now you may tell me to change my group, but my whole college is filled with such people. Why only college? The whole country is turning western. I feel we should do something to make people realise that having partners at such a young age isn't any achievement. But what do you call that? 'Peer pressure'. Well, after all MAN is a social animal (even 16-year-old girls!).

I am also addicted to animation. Be it 7 in the morning or 3 in the night I'm always watching animation (mostly Japanese). I get no time to do my project work or study during my exams. I want to make my mom proud, so please help me out!

Dear girl, going through your letter, the first impression I have is that you are affected by a 'disorder' which is common at your age: lack of discipline and poor sense of direction and goal in life. You seem to live day-by-day pushed by peer pressure ('infatuations') and addictions ('animation' at inappropriate times!). No wonder your parents, sister, friends and teachers are worried about you and your future.

Reading your notes a few hours before the exams and getting 70% is certainly not a 'good method of studies' as you could get 90% with a real good method and focus on your studies.

You have to realize that God has given you the wonderful and precious gift of life for a purpose: to become a beautiful and successful person. He wants you to be the joy and pride of your parents (in fact you 'want to make your mom proud') and an instrument of His love. If you carry on your life pushed by what others do ('a social animal') you will remain a sheep in the flock. You will never be yourself and express all your potentials. You will never become a leader.

Be patient! Do not hate 'being a teenager' because of confusion and inexperience. Trust the advice and guidance of those who love and care for you (parents and teachers), choose carefully your friends and entertainment and be close to God in prayer. I wish you all the best.

There is no one to love me

I am a girl of 15 years. I have an elder sister and a younger brother. My parents are very strict towards my sister and me. But they do love my elder sister because she is good in her studies. I am a mediocre student and so do not receive love from my parents or anyone else. I try to seek love from any good boy I see. Will it harm me in any way? What should I do?

Dear girl, your problem is that you are too impatient and have placed yourself on the receiving side of love, merely waiting for others to make the first move. You also indulge in self-pitying for not getting enough love.

Your situation will improve when you locate yourself on the giving side of love. You will then be the first to move towards others, building friendship and love.

If you want a friend, be a friend. Just seeking love from “any” good boy (not all those who appear good are necessarily so on deeper scrutiny) will definitely not help you to develop your personality and concentrate on your studies and family, which should be the priorities for a teenager.