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You can become a powerful person in your life, says Dr Pat Palmer & Melissa A. Froehner
Free at last! Let's say you're eighteen, you're finishing high school, and you can do whatever you want, right? No more Mom and Dad telling you what to do, where to go, and with whom... finally!
But wait a minute! That means no more Mom and Dad buying food and clothes, answering the phone when you don't want to talk to that “gross jerk” you just broke up with.
Whatever your situation, the point is that you're going to be in charge of the rest of your life! You'll have to make the decisions — and they won't always be easy.
So you won't mind all the new responsibilities that are coming your way. I mean, you've already got lots of responsibilities and you handle them with no problem, right? Right?
Well, there were the times you hit the alarm's snooze button, slept in, and were going to be late for class, so Dad drove you, and he was late for work... And then you “forgot” to tell your parents about the parent/teacher conference... and...
Hmmmm, maybe we'd better work on this a little bit...
Don't “should” on yourself
The centre of your life is you, not another person's needs, wants or desires. If you spend your whole life doing what others want you to do, you'll never get a chance to be productive, creative and independent.
Most people are concerned with what other people think. You probably dress, speak, act, work the way you think you “should.” When you hear yourself say, “I should (or “have to,” “must,” “ought to,” “better,” “got to”) however, look out. Ask yourself what you want to do, Lots of times when you're using “shoulds” it means you're doing what someone else (parent, friend, teacher, neighbour) wants you to do. To be in control of your own life, you need to separate out the “shoulds” and “have tos” from the “want tos.”
“I don't have to study for this test, but I will because I want to get a good grade.”
Taking responsibility
It is important to please yourself, not just with the little things (like buying those expensive running shoes), but to be happy with the direction your life is taking. Your parents probably use the word a lot: responsibility. They might use it when they're angry with you: “You can't even remember to take out the trash, and you think you can take responsibility for your own bike?”
“Responsibility” can be a pretty confusing concept. It helps to think of it on four levels:
Lots of people hate the idea of taking responsibility for their lives because they have such a wonderful time playing the “poor me” game:
“Dad left when I was two years old. Poor me.”
“My parents are divorced. Oh, woe is me. I am a helpless victim of fate.”
“My father drinks. My life is hopeless.”
Sure these are real problems — but they don't have to ruin your life. Everyone has setbacks; overcoming them, and learning from them is what helps us grow and change. Some people don't want to take responsibility because they enjoy blaming others so much. “If only my little brother didn't bother me when I'm trying to study, I could get better grades.” It's often easier to blame than to take responsibility, but you're only lying to yourself and others.
No stop signs... Speed limits
Nobody can make your life miserable except you; and you're the only one who can make it terrific, too. We all set our own limits.
Before Roger Bannister became the first person to run a mile in less than four minutes in 1954, everyone said that it was physically impossible for that limit to be broken — humans simply could not run that fast. But Bannister didn't set limits on himself — he did his best, and his best broke the “impossible” limit. When others found out it could be done, they did it too — because they now believed it was possible.
When you accept responsibility for your life, you've got to accept that possibilities and opportunities are available to you. If you don't, you set your limits before even starting.
Taking charge of your life
You become powerful when you take charge and responsibility for all of your life. That means when you make a mistake, you don't blame someone else. You learn from making the mistake. You become wiser, more experienced and more effective by using the mistake as a lesson. You allow yourself to have opinions, to have rights, and to speak up when necessary.
Your power allows you to make your life whatever you want it to be. Knowing your likes and dislikes, expressing them if necessary, helps you to have the kind of life you want. You don't need to wait for someone to offer you what you want. You are free to ask for it, or simply get it for yourself. You are in charge of your life and are only limited by the size of your dream. With the awareness of your power, your dream can become reality.
Personal power is tremendously effective if you are willing to use it. A phone call can create change. You have the power to correct wrongs, to influence the thinking of others, and to offer solutions to problems.
You have the power
There is power and self-esteem inside of you. You can use it to take charge of your life or you can give it away. Most people prefer to deal with you as an equal. They don't want you to give them your power and they don't want you to take their power away, either.
You can use your power to change your life — or the world — if you choose. You can be a positive force for change and improvement. You can work toward equality and to correct wrongs.
You — with help from your self-esteem — can make a difference.