What do cannibals call athletes?
Fast food!

Computer teacher: "Why are you bringing cheese into the computer room?"
Little boy: "You told me I was going to work with a mouse today."

"Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a goat."
"How long have you had this feeling?"
"Ever since I was a kid."

Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby.
"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?"
"No, madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror."

Why do we sometimes call the Middle Ages the Dark Ages?
Because they had so many knights.

Teacher: "Johnny, give me a sentence with a direct object."
Johnny: "Teacher, everybody thinks you're beautiful."
Teacher: "Thank you, Johnny, but what is the object?"
Johnny: "A good report card."