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BACK ISSUES | OCTOBER 2009 | CURRENT ISSUE
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Cut the yo-yo string and take control of your emotions, says Kathy A. Johnson
One minute you’re happy, the next you feel down. Then you’re not really sure what you feel. What’s wrong with you? Up, down, up, down — do you ever feel like an emotional yo-yo? Well, if you have lots of highs and lows, you’re perfectly normal.
Teens are moodier than adults. Generally, they have more (and more extremes) highs and lows, good moods and bad. Dr James Dobson, in Preparing for Adolescence, says that everything is felt more strongly during the teen years. He adds that things that won’t bother you when you’re an adult will bother you now. “Your fears will be more frightening, your pleasures will be more exciting, your irritations will be more distressing, and your frustrations will be more intolerable.”
Listen to these teens who are battling with their emotions:
“I am 17 years old and always get jealous. I don’t know what’s causing it, but when I see the girl I like, even just talking to another boy I always feel so bad about myself and it breaks my heart. Sometimes my emotions just take over my mind and I don’t know what to do.”
“All of my friends see me as a happy-go-lucky person. But it is not true. I am hurt inside and it’s so hard not to show it. When I am alone, I spend most of my time crying; I hate to be alone. I don’t want my life to be like this. People can hurt my feelings by saying the smallest things, things you would otherwise laugh over. I really want to be happy, but it’s so hard.”
“I’m 13 years old and all I seem to do is worry. After I stop worrying about one thing, it’s like I find another thing to worry about. I don’t want to end up being depressed during all of my teen years.”
Emotions can combine to intensify a feeling. Or they can be conflicting and confusing like when you’re angry with your parents, but still love them.
Why do emotions change so much?
Experts believe that mood swings aren’t just due to the flood of hormones coursing through your body. All the other changes going on in your life also play a role in influencing your moods.For instance, during your teen years you will be searching for your identity. What kind of person will you be? Will you go to college? What type of job will you do? You’re deciding what you believe about many things and you’re beginning the transition from dependence on your parents to gradual independence, which is sure to cause some strain.
You are also able to think on a higher level as you mature. This new way of thinking often makes you feel more self-conscious. Just as your body and brain change and mature, your emotions become more complicated too.
How do you handle emotions?
You can handle emotions in several ways. You might express your emotions directly, by telling your dad that you love him, giving him a hug.You can also express emotions indirectly (you pretend you’re not angry, but sulk and act irritated after your sister borrows your jeans without asking) or privately, (you tell your mom how excited you were when your score on the maths test was the highest in the class).
A dangerous way of handling emotions is to bury them. Emotions affect the body as well as the mind. Strong emotions involve almost all the body systems. If you always bury your emotions, you could actually make yourself sick! Boys especially are taught not to cry — that crying is for babies.
Try to find ways to express your emotions in a constructive way. Keep a notebook, talk to a friend or your parents or go ahead and cry if you feel like it.
Cutting the yo-yo string
Take control of your emotions. Remember that you are in charge. You can choose to feel happy or sad, at least to some extent. Here are some things you can do that might make those bad moods a bit easier to handle:
Realise that you’re not alone. Although not every teen experiences mood changes to the same degree, they are common.
Relax. Count to 10 or do something that lets you settle down for a few moments, especially if you’re feeling angry or irritable.
Try to think positive. Make it a habit. Don’t put yourself down in your thoughts or to other people. If there are things you don’t like about yourself, remember that you can change them.
Stay healthy. Get moderate exercise, eat a balanced diet and get enough sleep. Regular exercise produces more beta-endorphin, a hormone that controls stress and improves mood. Getting a good night’s sleep is very important. Being tired can lead to more sadness and irritability.
Don’t set impossible standards. Be ambitious, but break down your big goals into smaller ones, that will give you a feeling of accomplishment.
Talk to people you trust. If you feel overwhelmed or out of control, you should find someone to help you. Friends can help each other by realizing that they’re not alone in their feelings. Talk to your parents or a teacher or a counsellor. Keeping feelings inside can make them seem much worse.
Wait. Just as you can get into a bad mood for what seems like no reason at times, that mood can also pass. If your negative mood sticks around too long, though — or if it’s interfering with the way you deal with friends, parents, school, or activities — then you may want to talk to parents or a counsellor, about what you can do to feel better.
Emotions help us communicate, deal with changes and even survive. Without emotions, we would practically be inanimate objects. Ride out the highs and lows of your yo-yo and you’ll eventually come out on top.